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What follows is a letter I wrote to a woman who is in the same predicament I was, I want to write a better more detailed version, but for now this will suffice. I have replaced her name with (J).
I rejoiced to receive your letter, not because of the praise for my works, but because for the first time in my life I have something to say which may profit you; If you can receive it, the Lord has not lead you to me in vain. Blessed is your conscience (J), because it is not seared.
A little over ten years ago I was baptized, and before that I had "received Jesus in my heart" but in all the time since then, my sins never went away, in fact they only seemed to get worse. There was drinking, smoking pot, cigarettes, pornography and lustful fantasizings and their fruit, which is masturbation, as well as lies, cursing, and filthy language out of my mouth and more. The lustfulness and drunkenness bothered me the most and I prayed many times, with tears and even fasting, that it might depart from me but God rejected my prayers, at that time.
Not only do I write and sing bible music, I also have taught the bible for almost twelve years, and knowing the scriptures I was very troubled by passages like Titus 2:11 For the Grace of God that bringeth salvation hath appeared unto all men, teaching us that denying ungodliness and worldly lusts we should live soberly, righteously and godly in this present world; I knew I did not fulfill this scripture, but how could I? Did I have to try harder or something? I tried harder and things got worse. I believed in the grace of God, I believed I was forgiven. What about Romans 6? Sin shall not have dominion. I had to confess, sin had dominion over me, I Obeyed sin, I could not stop. To cut to the quick, on March 21st 2005 this all came to an end. Sin found its end and I finally died to it, not by my own effort but by the real and present power of God.
I can already hear the false prophets whispering in your ear "Its impossible to be without sin." The grace you have heard of them is the Grace of Lasciviousness, which "teacheth us" that denying godliness and righteousness we should live sinfully in this present world. If they sin and do not feel condemnation it is because their conscience has been seared. True repentance is a one time thing it need not be repeated every day, if it is, then we have never repented, which means to have a change of mind, If I keep changing my mind back after repenting; Iím a double minded man, unstable in all his ways and damnable. People read Romans seven and say "aha!" Paul still sinned!" Liars. Romans seven is about the righteousness which is by the law, which was Paulís past. I do not serve the law of God with my mind and I do not serve the law of sin with my flesh. Christ did not die so that I might be "brought into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members." He came to bless us "in turning away every one of you from his iniquities" Acts 3:26 They say, "Aha! I John 1 says "he that says he has not sin is a liar!" Iím not saying I have not sinned, just that by the power of God, I can not do it anymore, and the blood of Jesus cleanses me from all the sins of my past.
I know the teachings of the churches, they continue to sin and say, "When God looks at me he sees Jesus, thatís Godís grace." Sure, That isnít Paul getting drunk, its Jesus (yeah right, their god is blind). If God declared me righteous as I continued to sin then God would be a liar too. Their god is weak, he cannot deliver people from their sins, or he is cruel, in that he can deliver, but refuses. Do you notice that the ministers who teach this false and graceless grace all confess that they sin frequently but manifest none of the problems you are having with guilt? They have guilt free sinning, they sin and sin and sin (and they cannot cease from sin, II Peter 2:14) but they feel no condemnation, speaking lies in hypocrisy having their conscience seared with a hot iron, I Timothy 4. Who being past feeling have given themselves over to lasciviousness to work all uncleanness with greediness. Eph 4:19. It used to be that I could not cease from sin, now I cannot cease from righteousness. They cannot believe it because it is not happening to them. It is not happening to them because God has rejected them, your feelings of guilt and condemnation are a sign that God is not hardening your heart as he has theirs.
You see, they love their sins, they do not want to repent of their sins, so they make a gospel that fits their ungodly ways, for broad is the way that leads to destruction, and I also was caught up in their lies and the snare of the devil. But God ordained better things for me, as he is also ordaining for you. "He that sinneth hath not seen him neither known him...He that committeth sin is of the devil." I John 3 "He that is born of God, doth not commit sin, for His seed remaineth in him and he cannot sin." I John 3. Donít let any so-called Pastor lie to you and tell you these scriptures do not mean what they seem to mean: a complete cessation from sin. This is the promise of God. The scriptures overflow with this doctrine. How did this change happen to me?
In February of this year I received an e-mail from a young man who wanted to come see me play, you probably think this happens to me all the time, but this was actually the first time ever. Not wanting to take him and his friend over to Polo Open Bible (a place of heresy) where I sometimes played; I invited them to my home and they in turn invited me to their church. A few days before they arrived I smoked the rest of my dope and managed to hold off on drinking (though on the way to church I was marking liquor stores), I never ceased from lust in those days. While they were at my home they gave me a binder containing the foundation doctrines of their church, which I was pleasantly surprised to find nearly matched my beliefs, which I hold to be scriptural (I realize now that I was like the Jew of Romans 2). Their was one difference though, which became important later. I went to church with them March 20th and heard the enclosed message "Resist in the Faith" and the message of "sin no more" was preached to me and I went home that night feeling condemned as before, but for once hopeful, the thing that scared me was my thought that I had offended him too much and was lost, I knew there were places that talked about willfully sinning and being lost thereby.
I looked up Hebrews 6 and read how that it is "impossible for those who were once enlightened and have tasted of the heavenly gift, and were made partakers of the holy ghost and have tasted the good word of God and the powers of the world to come, If they shall fall away , to renew them again to repentance, seeing they crucify to themselves the son of God afresh and put him to an open shame" The one difference in our doctrine was "baptisms." I never believed in "unknown" tongues (but had been recently softened to the point of at least tolerating it). But I had to confess I had never tasted any "powers of the world to come" or a "heavenly gift" I mean, intellectually I believed I had received a "gift" and I thought I had the holy spirit. But if I had "earnest of my inheritance" or "the holy ghost" I could not definitely tell you exactly where or when it was I received it. We cannot just take some dead religious work like the sinners prayer or accept Jesus in our hearts and throw it up in Godís face and expect God to honor it, but I had done this. I spent the rest of that night, until three in the morning going over the doctrine of that church, because I was not going to ask any heretic to lay hands on me to receive the holy spirit. (You can read the same doctrine I read at http://spiritoftruthministries.org )
Having determined to return there immediately the next day, I called the Pastor, Mark, the following morning and told him I was returning (a journey of about a hundred miles) and that he was going to lay his hands on me so I could receive the Holy Spirit. When I arrived we talked for three or four hours and I told him how I could not go on another day, the stink of my sins was more than I could bear, I donít remember all that was said but it was I who did most of the talking and it was all about how miserable and wretched I was and how powerless I was to stop sinning, I had considered the possibility that I lacked the spirit but had prayed and received nothing, I prayed to be delivered from my lust and addictions and been ignored (at least for a time). I told Mark that I was not willing to fake tongues, that I did not even believe in tongues. He told me to seek the holy ghost, not tongues. I told him that if God wanted me to speak in tongues he would have to force me to. After a long time I asked them (the two young men who had visited me were also there) to lay hands on me that I might receive the baptism by Jesus. We went out of Markís office and they began to pray over me. At first it seems very strange and I thought to myself, "Iím going to stand here all day if that is what it takes." and as I fought off the doubts that began to creep in I simply and quietly said, "Lord Jesus grant me my heartís desire." Then my hands and forearms began to feel funny, like super high frequency vibrations or electricity or the consuming of fire, but my hands were pulsating with a strange and wonderful power, I raised my hands up and looked at them, it was so bizarre to me and I said, "What is happening to my hands?" Then the same feeling came on my lips, and I kid you not, they began to move completely on their own; not just without me thinking about it, but without the muscles of my mouth moving them at all. They moved as though by a ghostly hand. I remember Mark pointing at me and saying, "Your lips are stammering, Ďwith stammering lips and another tongue will I speak to this peopleí!" Then I began to speak in "tongues" really, and all my friends would have told you that I would be the last person they would expect to do that. Then the same power came on my ears and when I fell to my knees to thank God it happened to the soles of my feet as well. This was the first time anything "supernatural" had ever happened to me in my life.
Now that was something else, that day, but since that day I stopped smoking pot and drinking, which I donít think is very impressive, but what impresses me the most is that God actually rewired my brain, I have not entertained a single sexual fantasy since that day, and I do not masturbate, something I did for eighteen years, never going more than a day or two without it from the day I discovered it, and now its been two months of cleanness. Also, wrath is departed from me and lies. But best of all I know I will never do these things again, people say "what about ten years from now?" He that is born of God doth not commit sin for his seed remaineth in him and he cannot sin! I never knew how that could be, until now. By Godís power I cannot sin. Do not listen to the liars who "have a form of godliness but deny the power thereof."
People cannot conceive a life without sin because they cling to their sins and love them. But you cannot serve two masters, if people want to serve sin then they should go and do so, the pleasure of it is all their reward in life. To you who will live godly and to whom eternal life is appointed; sin is the enemy to be defeated, not a Master to continually rule you and have the victory over you.
(J), I encourage you to continue to pray and the Lord Jesus will show you what you must do, read the doctrine found at http://spiritoftruthministries.org for heresy also is sin, depart not from the doctrines of the Apostles and Prophets, do not give heed to the ministers of the grace of lasciviousness they only lead people to more ungodliness. Remember, I sought this for ten years and with many tears but did not receive it until March 21st 2005. You must believe God, he has power over sin, and will take it far away from you, that is the Gospel; Repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus for the remission of sins and you shall receive the gift of the holy ghost. Remission means freedom, to make free from. Behold the lamb of God that takes away sin; not behold the lamb of God that keeps us in sin. How shall we that are dead to sin live any longer therein? (Romans 6) If we live in sin then we have not yet died to it, period.
I hope my bluntness is not offensive to you, I have offended several women with my bluntness but I know that those who have also been in like bondage will instead take hope from my redemption and take heart in that someone as base and vile as I was is made now a partaker of this grace.
I have been meaning to update my biography on my website with this story of my long hoped for transformation. Writing you has forced my to get this done, so I thank God for you, this letter to you is going to be part of my website. (I wonít post your whole name). I know he will yet answer the rest of your prayers, or he would not have moved you to write me at this time, because this is where I am right now. Hold fast, turn away from those that seduce you from the true grace of God.